5 Tips to Prepare your Birth Partner for the Big Day
Your birth partner will be your most valuable asset on your birthing day – if they know what they are doing and take their amazing responsibility seriously. Yes, they are in charge of the snacks and the words of encouragement, but more than that, they have the power to make sure that you have the birth experience that you want.
A good birth partner will give you their protection, advocacy and unwaveringly calm emotional support. S/he will know your birth preferences inside out. S/he will be prepared to ask questions, challenge recommendations where necessary, take a verbal (and sometimes physical) beating from you, all whilst protecting your space, warding off negativity, and trying to look after themselves too. And they will have to do all of this without the cocktail of hormones and endorphins that your body will be producing to keep you going. PHEW!
Who is the right birth partner?
Therefore, choosing the right birth partner is incredibly important. For most people, it will be dad, without question. But for many others it's not. Maybe dad feels uncomfortable at the thought of being at the birth*, maybe he's squeamish, or maybe he's just not around – that's absolutely fine! There are plenty of alternatives. The most important thing when considering who to have with you on the day is, do they make you feel relaxed and confident and secure? Will they have your back no matter what? Will they take the responsibility seriously? And, ultimately do you trust them to be your Robin?
Don't worry about whether or not they are conventionally 'the right' person. Just concentrate on how they make you feel. Once you have chosen your perfect partner, it's important to spend some time making sure that they feel prepared and confident about supporting you throughout your pregnancy and birth – here are 5 simple tips to help you towards becoming a birthing dream team
1. Share the pregnancy
Whilst us mamas experience and show all of the physical symptoms and get all the sympathy, birth partners are often the ones rubbing feet, massaging backs, fetching food and taking the emotional punches. Make sure that you share the positive stuff too. Encourage your birth partner to read whatever books, or download whatever apps you are using to track your pregnancy. You should both be excited about baby being the size of a lemon! Share your food cravings by preparing recipes for both you. Share the kicks and the scans and midwife appointments most importantly share all the big emotions too – especially the good ones.
2. Co-write a birth plan
One of your birth partner's most important roles is to be your guardian and protector. They are there to ensure that you remain calm and in control. That means being able to interpret your needs without a word, fielding questions from midwives and doctors, and knowing when to say no to unwanted interruptions and interventions. Furthermore, if things take an unexpected turn they may be the one who has to make important decisions on your behalf. Taking the time to have open and honest conversations in the run up to your birth (and writing things down) will give them the information and confidence they need to be truly invaluable.
3. Encourage self-care
Whilst you are going to be the one 'labouring' your birth partner will be working hard too! Running backwards and forwards, being a constant source of encouragement, crouching, rubbing, supporting. It's tiring. They will be awake for as long as you are. Reassure them that you want them to look after themselves as well. As you pack your own hospital bag, maybe encourage them to do the same - spare clothes, a comfy pair of shoes, toothbrush and some snacks for themselves.
4. Learn together
Most people think that after a couple of episodes of 'One Born Every Minute' they know what birth is all about. Not true! Encourage them to watch some positive birth videos online with you. Or even better, attend an antenatal course together (in person or online). Knowing what to expect and feeling prepared will give them immense confidence. And once they are feeling confident, they will not only be a better support to you, but they will also enjoy the awesome experience for themselves.
5. Make time to practice with them
You might be attending yoga, practicing breathing, and learning mindfulness and relaxation techniques – but they will be no help to you at all if your birth partner hasn't the foggiest what is going on! They need to be well versed in the techniques they can use to help you stay calm, confident and in-control. What massage techniques do you like? What are your favourite affirmations? What breathing techniques are you going to use? Schedule in some time each day or week to practice together.
If you would like more information and advice for your Birth Partner, download our free 'Birth Buddy Handbook' here.
*For any ladies who there who are feeling a little disappointed or upset that dad isn't too keen about being present at the birth – take a deep breath and consider this. It is far better to have had the conversation upfront, during pregnancy, and to have had the time to find a substitute who will be a better support for you. An uncomfortable dad will be releasing adrenalin, and actually causing you unnecessary stress. And if you are still really set on having dad there, perhaps consider a doula? They can be an excellent option as they are trained to give support to mum, and a nervous dad too.
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