Busting the Due-Date Myth

When we tell people that we are pregnant - 9/10 times the first question we are asked is 'when are you due?' We etch this date in our memories. It's the summit, the finish line, the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Our guiding light. But the honest truth is that due dates are a bit of a fallacy, and at very best, just a guess. How come?

Firstly, they assume that every woman has a 28 day cycle and a 14 day ovulation, which builds in a huge margin for error, as we are all a bit different.

Secondly, they are based on the misconception that all babies take exactly the same amount of time to grow. Which is particularly unhelpful given that there isn't even any global consistency on what full-term means - it's 40 weeks in the UK, 41 in France, and 43 in Kenya. The World Health Organisation describes full term as being anything between 37-42 weeks.

And thirdly, the dating scan has an error margin of +/- 5 days - so even technology uses a bit of a guess.

Take all this together, and it's no wonder that less than 4% of babies actually arrive on their 'due date'. Now whilst a fixed 'due date' in your head can be helpful for planning, it can also cause a huge amount of stress - especially as it draws closer, and then potentially passes. Often, if baby doesn't make an appearance on or before this date, mums are left feeling feeling disappointed… anxious… annoyed… frustrated. Staring down the barrel of a continuous stream of texts, messages and calls from people saying things like - 'any movement?', 'has the baby arrived yet?', 'still pregnant?'. All of this adds to an already bubbling anxiety & stress level - which in turn makes it even less likely that labour will start. You are more likely to go into spontaneous labour if you feel relaxed, happy and positive. It's these emotions which will release the hormones necessary to get things moving.

In order to counterbalance this negative spiral, I always suggest to couples to stop talking about a 'due date', and instead talk about a 'due window'. So exchange 'he's due on the 12th March' to 'hopefully he'll be with us by mid-March' or even 'he's due in March'.* And if you have already told people? Just tell them you've had another scan and they got it wrong. Nobody doubts technology! By simply changing this language you will relieve a huge amount of pressure, and create some valuable breathing room. The more you tell people, the more you start to think about your 'due date' in those terms too - and suddenly all of that pressure on this one date, just evaporates.

Furthermore, if you do happen to have a 'longer pregnancy', count your blessings! You could have an extra 2 whole weeks of lie-ins, date-nights, cinema trips, and peace and quiet! It's hard to appreciate them when you are feeling incredibly impatient and so ready to meet your baby - but enjoy those last days just being you. You'll be 'mama' FOREVER, once you baby is in your arms.

*If you have some relentless relatives who demand a date, choose one 2 weeks after the date that the hospital gives you.

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