How Birth Can be Better than Sex

Birth has a bit of a bad reputation when it comes to the enjoyment factor, more commonly associated with blood, sweat and tears, than mind-blowing pleasure. But in reality that's not very accurate or very fair.

Believe it or not, the very same hormone that is released when you have an orgasm is the same hormone that fuels labour (*stunned silence). This wonder hormone, or 'love hormone' is called Oxytocin and it is also responsible for the woozy happiness you experience when you have a kiss, cuddle, fall in love or have a big old giggle. Yep. You heard me right. Birth is chemically designed to feel wonderful.

So what's gone wrong? Why are so many women talking about the pain of birth, and so few succumbing to this 'mythical' pleasure? Unfortunately, we live in a society in which birth has become shrouded in fear. TV shows, movies, and other people's bad experiences fill our subconscious and make us feel pretty anxious about what birth may entail. The result of said anxiety and fear? We release Adrenalin, which is particularly bad for our birthing bodies. Not only does it send us into our fight or flight reflex, diverting precious blood and oxygen away from our uterus muscles, but it also inhibits our production of Oxytocin. Suddenly birth stops being a natural and pleasurable experience, and turns into an oxygen-starved and gruelling struggle.

So how we can we avoid the struggle and get back to the pleasure? Here are 5 simple strategies to get that Oxytocin flowing:

1. Environment - "What gets baby in, gets baby out" — Ina May Gaskin

Ever been wooed by soft lighting and sensual music? The flickering of fragranced candles and a big inviting bed? We've all been there - and I encourage you to go there again during your birth. The ideal conditions for sex, are the ideal conditions for labour. Oxytocin is notoriously shy, preferring to make appearances in intimate and private settings. It loves familiarity. And feels at home when you are relaxed and calm. Try to recreate this for your birthing environment - wherever you are. Even in a hospital ward you can recreate the perfect date night. Battery operated tea-lights. A playlist of your favourite songs on a portable speaker. Tell unwanted visitors (yes I mean doctors and midwives) to keep their intrusions to a minimum. Spritz your favourite room spray and hand your birth partner the massage oil.

2. Trust

You wouldn't have sex with somebody you didn't trust, and exactly the same goes for birth. Choose a birth partner who makes you feel safe and comfortable, and you who you trust implicitly. They need to be somebody who will take their responsibility seriously. Who understands that it's an active and involved role. Your birth partner needs to know you and your preferences inside out. They need to be familiar with words, massages, and other techniques that you like. And know the stuff that you don't like! They also need to be able to take some tough love. Furthermore, make sure that you trust your body and your baby. Just like sex, birth is instinctual. It's primal. It's baked into our DNA and we are built for it. When you're having sex you don't question every move. You don't overthink every sensation. You let your body take over. Birth is exactly the same. Trust me.

3. Positive reinforcement

As mentioned before, there is too much negativity surrounding birth, and all of those fear-inducing associations need to be replaced with more positive, Oxytocin-inducing ones. Now, when it comes to great sex many people turn to porn, and birth has its very own version of the x-rated stuff. Positive birth videos, photography and stories are all over the internet. Widely and freely available. These beautiful, honest and empowering betrayals of birth will soon have you in an excited frenzy at the thought of your own.

4. Position

Sometimes the best sex is had in some pretty unusual positions. The same is true for birth. Lying on your back with your feet in the air is the most well-known position (for birth I mean), but is actually the least conducive to getting your baby out. The main reason for this is that you aren't able to use gravity to your advantage. It's gravity that will force the weight of your baby's head down onto your cervix, helping it to dilate more quickly. Leaning forward, rather than lying back, also helps with labour as it opens up your pelvis, rather than making it smaller. The golden rule? Mix it up. Don't be afraid to try new positions. Get adventurous in the bath or shower. And whatever happens, always do what feels right for you.

5. The Afterglow

Whilst sex is amazing, it's actually that warm, happy feeling just after that is often the most rewarding. And you won't be surprised to hear that birth is no different. Not only do you have the reward of a brand new little baby in your arms, but your body excels itself once again by flooding you with a huge dose of our favourite love drug, Oxytocin. It's responsible for helping your uterus to contract back down to its normal size, as well as encouraging bonding and initiating your milk supply (is there anything this hormone can't do?). You will experience a feeling of euphoria incomparable to anything you will have experienced before. Better than the best sex of your life. Guaranteed.

By focusing on these simple techniques, you will transform your birth from something to be endured, to something to be embraced. It's still challenging, sweaty and sometimes teary (like any good sex). But it is also incredibly empowering. And the feeling that comes with bringing a new tiny life into the world, on your own steam, will be the most intense, rewarding and pleasurable orgasm of your life.

To help you on your way to preparing for a positive birth experience, download your free Birth Plan Template by signing up below