One for the Dads
Dads. The forgotten warriors in pregnancy and labour. Whilst us mamas show all the physical symptoms and get all the sympathy, dads rub feet, massage backs, fetch food, and take the emotional punches. But whilst your only physical symptom of having a baby might be your 'dad bod', you too are experiencing hormonal and emotional changes. Did you know that a male's Testosterone, Oxytocin and Oestradiol levels all change during the last few weeks of pregnancy? You will also be preparing to bond with your new bundle of joy.
But all the preparation won't just happen naturally. Remember that old boy scout mantra, 'always be prepared'? Well it's never been more true. Whilst it's easy to think that your partner is going to be doing all the 'work' and therefore needs to do all the 'training', you are also an integral member of the team with specific responsibilities. There are a few simple things that you can do to ensure you are the best possible support, and that you get the most out of this truly wonderful experience.
Top birth tips for dads-to-be:
1. Talk about birth preferences with your partner
One of your most important roles as birth partner is to be the guardian and protector of mum. You are there to ensure that she remains calm and in control. That means interpreting her needs without a word, fielding questions from midwives and doctors, and knowing when to say no to unwanted interruptions and interventions. Furthermore, if things take an unexpected turn you may be the one who has to make important decisions on behalf of your partner. Do you know what her preferences are when it comes to induction? Caesarean? Pain-relief? Do you know under what circumstances she would be happy to accept intervention? And more importantly, do you know what her preferred snacks will be? How she likes to be massaged? What her favourite affirmations are?
Taking the time to have open and honest conversations in the run up to the birth (and writing things down) will give you the information and confidence you need to be truly invaluable.
2. Write down some questions
With adrenalin running high, it can be difficult to remember the right things to ask. Nothing wrong with having a trusty notebook or scrap of paper to jog your memory. Some of my favourites are:
Would you mind taking some more time to explain the benefits/side-effects please?
What other options are there that we could consider first?
How would what you're suggesting affect my wife's labour?
3. Prepare a hospital bag for yourself
Whilst your partner is going to be the one 'labouring' you will be working hard too! Running backwards and forwards, being a constant source of encouragement, crouching, rubbing, supporting. It's tiring. You will be awake for as long as your partner is. Pack some spare clothes. A comfortable pair of shoes. Your swimming trunks, in case you end up in the birth pool. Toothbrush (nobody wants bad breath in their face). And some snacks for yourself. Oh and a nice big water bottle. You are no help to anybody if you don't look after yourself too.
4. Grow some thick skin
Your partner may be calm, relaxed and in control throughout her pregnancy and birth. However, there may also be times when she is frustrated, hormonal and in pain. During these times you may become a bit of an emotional punch-bag. She may shout and scream, and nothing you do will seem to be right. Take a deep breath and repeat "this isn't really about me. She needs my unconditional love and support during this challenging time". Whatever is going on, it won't be about you. In fact, she probably won't even remember what was making her cross once the baby is on the outside.
5. Attend a positive birth preparation or antenatal course (with an open mind)
Knowing what to expect and feeling prepared will give you immense confidence. And once you are feeling confident in your role, you will be able to enjoy it. You will meet other dads-to-be, and might even make some new friends along the way. It provides you with dedicated time to spend with your partner and bump, and will provide you with all the tools you need to play an active and engaged role in the birth of your baby. It's a wonderful experience - one which you will remember forever. Lean into it, and savour every gorgeous memory.
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