The Beginner’s Guide to Motherhood
When you are pregnant you spend a lot of time thinking about getting the baby out. And also about what life will be like with a little one in the mix. You think about that intoxicating baby smell, cuddles with your newborn, and the amazing love that you will be consumed by. Rarely does your mind wander to some of the more practical realities of having a baby. And it's this lack of preparedness that sometimes leaves new mums feeling a bit overwhelmed or lost.
Having a baby is wonderful. There is no denying that. But it's also really hard. And it's ok to talk about the hard stuff. The guilt you might feel when you wish for your old life back. The frustration of not being able to stand in the shower alone with your thoughts for 10 minutes. The exhaustion of only sleeping in 2 hour intervals. The moments of desperation and, dare I say it, fleeting regret when your baby has been screaming continuously for 2 days and you have no idea why. These moments exist alongside the intoxicating baby smell and cuddles. And we need to be open to talking about them. When as a new Mum you are only inundated with picture perfect impressions of motherhood, you continually feel as though your less than perfect snapshots mean you are failing. But trust me, behind those beautiful insta squares is a big pile of dirty washing, a mountain of concealer and plenty of shitty nappies too.
My top tips for surviving new motherhood:
1. Allow yourself time to become a new mama.
After the baby is born please give yourself a rest. Plan to take at least a week at home, in bed, relaxing with your new baby. Say no to visitors - there is plenty of time for that. Leave the washing and the cleaning. Accept that you're not going to put on make up or skinny jeans or anything else that requires more effort than that required to lift a cup of tea to your lips. You have worked hard and you deserve this break. Guilt-free.
2. Delete anybody on Instagram who makes you feel any less than awesome.
Anybody who doesn't give you positivity. Anybody who portrays a life that seems too good to be true. Follow people who raise you up, make you smile, and offer words of wisdom and support. They will be invaluable during those early morning feeds when you inevitably reach for your phone.
3. Give yourself time to mourn your former self.
It's ok to feel sad that things have changed. It's ok to miss life before your baby. It doesn't mean that you love them any less. It's perfectly normal to hold two opposing thoughts in your head. Don't try to reconcile them. Just accept that you love your baby unconditionally. And accept that you really miss drinking cosmopolitans with your friends/nailing a work presentation/going to hot yoga whenever you like. That's ok. In time you will stop trying to fight motherhood and welcome the amazing changes that it brings.
4. When people say 'enjoy every minute' it's ok to want to throttle them.
These people have forgotten the terror of a poonami in public and what it feels like to fall asleep whilst brushing your teeth. You won't 'enjoy every minute' I'm sure. Just embrace the joy when it does come. Be present. Remember the feeling. But don't get worried when you don't feel it 24/7.
5. Be kind to yourself
Most of all, through everything that the tiny human throws your way, remember that you are doing an amazing job. You are all they need, and so just by showing up, whether it be in 3 day old knickers or with a full face of makeup, you are succeeding at motherhood. Ultimately, you will forge your own path, learn your own rules and eventually stop worrying about what everybody else is doing. I promise.
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